Seeking Joy.

I have struggled so much with so many things the last two years. As I've reflected upon these enormous changes, I've realized that the motivation for change stemmed from fear. The three major things that I faced down were rooted in the fear of something perpetuating or worsening ... that if I didn't change something, it would forever be that way. And, the status quo did not make me happy at all.

Fear can be a HUGE driving force. And, yet, according to the Bible, the only fear we should have is for God. Someone once said that a person who worries would be great at meditating upon the Lord's Word, worriers just need to change their focus. I'm trying, I really am.

I have not been very joyful the past two years. I haven't joyfully anticipated much of anything. In fact, there has been a lot of dread. Each day seemed to bring more physical or emotional pain. Yet these days, there seems to be less pain and more joy. I have more good days than bad. Yet, there is a lingering fear of anticipating a recurrence. This morning in my prayers I timidly asked God to let me be healthy for the next couple of weeks. It startled me that I was afraid to ask for that. It was at that moment that I realized I've really been living day-to-day. Hoping for a healthy day. To ask for two weeks seemed like too huge of a request.

The Lord is faithful to those who seek Him. And that's what I'm doing. I'm seeking and searching for Him.

Psalm 22:25-26
²⁵I will praise you among all the people;
I will fulfill my vows in the presence of those who worship you.
²⁶The poor will eat and be satisfied.
All who seek the LORD will praise him.
Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy.