Back to the Beginning.

Do you know how they say in a relationship, when things get dry or into a rut, to return to the beginning? Remember when you were dating. Get out the picture books. Grab your partner and go through them together. Remind each other of what it was you first saw in each other. The passion, the spark, the steadiness of friendship. Whatever it was.

I'm at a new beginning in my life right now. I married the man whom I've been dating. We've actually been dating for awhile now, yet every day that I look into his eyes or hear his voice on the phone, or see a car like his, my heart flutters just a bit. My breath catches in anticipation. What words will he say? What smile or kiss will drift my way?

And, as those thoughts cross my mind, I thought to myself how appropriate it is to apply that to my relationship with God. I was just a wee thing when I chose to become a Christian. I don't really even remember it. But at 6 years old, I knew my own mind. My mother tells me that I determined I wanted to accept Christ. I didn't want to do it in the living room, though, so I went in the bedroom and closed the door.

She said I came out a bit later and said, "Well, I did and He did." The pastor at our church talked to me after that in preparation of being baptized. His conclusion was that I knew exactly what I had chosen to do. It is that kind of single-minded determination that I have approached everything in my life. When I choose to do it, it gets done.

I guess that's kind of my point today. To encourage you to return to the beginning. Remember what it was that drew you to Christ, reflect on your decision of becoming a Christian. Sometimes the journey through life can be hard and difficult and we forget what it was that started the entire thing.

Facing Marriage.

"He'd never understood much about his feelings toward Cynthia, but he knew and understood this: He didn't want to keep teetering on the edge, afraid to step forward, terrifed to turn back.

The weight on his chest was palpable; he'd felt it often since she moved next door and into his life. Yet it wasn't there because he loved her, it was there because he was afraid to love her completely.

Perhaps he would always have such a weight; perhaps there was no true liberation in love. And certainly he could not ask her to accept him as he was -- flawed and frightened, not knowing."

"There comes a time when there's no turning back."

The above quote comes from author Jan Karon's book, A Common Life. It describes perfectly how I'm feeling as I face my wedding day. In the book, the male character, portrayed above, requests in one simple word to God all the fears and needs in his heart, "Please ..." he cried.

I echo his cry.

Difficult Blessing.

I don't enjoy gossip. Gossip makes me feel dirty, tainted.

One of the most difficult aspects of my job is the gossipy girls. Well, it would be if I didn't have my own office. Fortunately, I am blessed to have an office where I can focus on taking care of business rather than rehashing other people's business.

I am also blessed, after years and years of working for difficult people, to have a boss who is kind and considerate. HE actually reminded ME that it's okay for me to have a life outside of the office. That it's just a job and that it will be there for me. Exact quote. Is that amazing or what?

I felt blessed when he told me that.

As I unlocked my car the other day to leave work, one of my co-workers who works in the office area with the gossipy girls was eating her lunch in her car. She seemed down and she shared with me how difficult it is for her to work in that office, that she was really struggling with the gossiping and back stabbing that goes on all day long. I didn't really know what to say to encourage her, other than lending her a listening ear.

When she left to go back inside, she gave me a hug and thanked me for being there. I reminded her, too, that it was just a job. Just as my boss had reminded me. She said she felt blessed to have been able to talk to me.

I didn't feel like I had done much. But perhaps being there was enough.