Being a Light.

In my devotions this morning, the topic was the meaning of names. It discussed Sarah's naming of her son, Isaac ... which means "laughter." In the Bible, the MEANING of the given name was oftentimes more important than the name itself. So much so, that in Genesis 35:18, Rachel named her son (as she died) Ben-Oni and was re-named Benjamin by his father.

My first name means "God is gracious or God's gracious gift" and my middle name means "joy or rejoicer." It seems I've always known the meaning of my name. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm living up to the meaning. I struggle with depression, anxiety, anger, pride, irritation, impatience and so much more on a daily basis.

Yet, last week I received an e-mail from a friend who wrote, "As I was just sitting reading your Christmas letter I was thinking what an incredible women of God you are. Thank you for sharing your journey and how in the pain you have relied on God. You are beautiful." I was so startled as I read her words, thinking she couldn't possibly mean me. I even checked to make sure I hadn't accidentally logged into someone elses e-mail account.

Her words were such an encouragement to me. We can all be an encouragement to each other, it just takes a moment of our time and a small draw from our reservoirs of empathy and compassion. We all feel sad from time-to-time. The next time we notice someone is struggling (whether in life or on blog), remember, those are the times when we need each other the most. Instead of walking or clicking away, take a moment and remind them that things will get better. Offer them a kind word. A gentle hug. Offer something so they know they're not alone.

We need each other.

This post says it better than I can ... Link.

****** Name research ******

Name meanings: Link
Name meanings: Link
Name origin: Link
If your name isn't there, they have a message board you can search (choose "all posts" vs. "recent posts"): Link

What Will We Leave Behind?

As a teenager, there was a little elderly lady who lived down the road from me. She was friends with my grandpa. Her name was Elsie.

She asked me if I would like to come over once a week and roll her hair up in curlers. I said, "sure." She paid me $3 to spend some time with her and her husband, his name was Al. They had a cute little dog, I can't remember his name at the moment. Every Tuesday at 3 PM, I would arrive at her house. She washed her hair just before my arrival and we would all go out on the patio and I would put curlers in her hair. It took about a half an hour out of my day and I always enjoyed it.

She had a condition in her neck that caused her head to always sit a little sideways. Her dog had a skin condition that caused it to scratch until the furr came off and the skin would bleed. They had their health problems as they aged.

Time went by, I grew up ... moved away. About once a year I would make it over to visit with her. Her dog died. Then her husband died ... an unexpected accident. He was hit by a car while crossing the road. She eventually quit driving her pretty white sports car because she decided she wasn't a good driver. I still remember the mischevious glint she would get in her blue eyes when she'd tell me "My car is sexy!" Then she'd laugh. She was always so honest with herself and so at peace with her decisions.

The last couple of years I haven't been able to get down to see her, I live farther away. Last year, I mailed her a Christmas card and I got it back with an address change. I re-mailed it to the new address. I wondered what had happened, I enclosed my phone number since I didn't have a new one for her.

This year, I mailed her a Christmas card. I just received it in the mail this morning. It was returned to me with "Deceased" written upon the front of the envelope.

I will always remember her indomitable will, strength and perseverance through the snares that life threw at her. The chill in her house while she wore a sweater. Not because she was poor, but because she was frugal. Her kindness and pleasure whenever she saw me. She made her needs known but was never clingy. She loved her plants and was always lovingly pruning them or planning what plant she was going to move where. She enjoyed her "sexy" car.

When I think of her, the mental image in my mind is of her walking with her husband and dog, a great big smile on her face that never faced directly forward. I like to think that she's doing that in Heaven today.

God bless you, Elsie Surtees. I love you.

A Woman's Needs.

I just watched the tape of Dr. Phil's show from last Thursday. He had a couple on who are trying to put their marriage back together.

After discussing several things with them Dr. Phil asked the husband, "Do you love your wife?" He replied, "Yes, I do." Dr. Phil asked what that means to him and he replied "Companionship, friendship, togetherness."

Then Dr. Phil turned to the wife and asked her if she loved her husband. After a pause, she replied, "Yes." Dr. Phil queried, "Even though he's hurt you and put you down, you still love this man? Why?"

She started choking up and said. "We have three kids together, we've been through a lot. I just do." When Dr. Phil pressed her, she said, "He's a good provider ... I don't know. I don't know why I love him."

LINK

I thought to myself, "How sad ... she doesn't know why she loves him. Maybe because she doesn't anymore. She only says so because it's a habit."

Dr. Phil said that his job is to listen to what people say, but more than that, to listen to and hear what people DON'T say.

Dr. Phil turned to the husband and said, "Let me tell you what I just heard. I just asked your wife why she loved you. She said, 'We have three kids together, we've been through a lot, and he's a good provider.' Oh, be still my heart. Not one emotional need did she mention that you are meeting. She didn't say, 'I love him because he loves me.' She didn't say, 'I love him because he makes me feel safe and secure and valued and beautiful and sexy and desirable and interesting. And I feel better about me when I'm around him.'"

AND, then, I thought to myself, "Gentlemen, Dr. Phil just told you precisely what every single woman on this planet needs. He just gift wrapped and handed to you for Christmas the operation manual for women."

Then, I went down the checklist ... because that's what this woman does and went, "Yep, my Tony meets EVERY SINGLE ONE ... and then some."

Me thinks he's a keeper.

Mire of Depression.

Sometimes, from the mire of depression can come the simplest of words that remind of what will be our rope to grab hold to and climb back up the slide.

For me, the words of a song that I learned as a child:

Jesus loves me this I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.

And, this verse I read during my devotions:

Psalm 48:14
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.

Depression is not an easy thing to experience. It is even more difficult when it stems from hormones. Hormonal depression is not helped by positive thoughts. I have to search for things that will give me hope. Hope is the simplest word. Yet, hope is what keeps me alive.

Not Done.

After playing hooky for two weeks (one week I went over to Saddleback, last week I was ill) I went back to my home church this morning. As I was driving there, I felt such a sense of anticipatory joy. When I arrived, I settled in and listened to the band practice; I so enjoyed it. The message was delivered by Pastor Brad, whose teaching style clicks with my learning style.

I did feel a bit of longing to sing with the worship team again. The drummer told me he missed "the pretty part in Wonderful One that you sing." Awww. I didn't even know he could hear me sing that part, I thought he just listened to his drums in his headset. He said he was going to look at me when that part was supposed to be sung. I grinned and said "I'll stick my tongue out at you." He laughed and replied, "People have done worse."

It felt like I had come home.

The Healing Power of Prayer

The Healing Power of Prayer
From Reader's Digest, December 2004, Page 179
By Jennifer Matlack

Have a little faith -- and lower your risk of depression, heart disease and more.

AFTER undergoing a bone marrow transplant for lymphatic cancer last year, Mike Coyne, 33, of Whitman, Massachusetts, credits his healing to his doctors -- and his faith. Prayer provided him with reassurance that everything would be okay. "It gave me strength and peace," says Coyne. That may be why so many of us turn to faith for healing. According to a National Institutes of Health survey of 31,000 people, prayer is the most commonly used form of alternative medicine.

"Spiritual people tend to be optimistic and have more self-esteem and social support, factors that improve health," says Yale researcher Holly Prigerson. She found that bereaved people who used religion to cope needed fewer doctor visits than those who didn't. Other research has shown that prayer improves heart disease, hypertension and cancer. The idea that faith can heal is controversial, but recent studies report positive findings:

Depression deterrent. In a 2004 Duke University Medical Center study of 838 hospitalized older adults, those who were more religious had fewer symptoms of depression and better cognitive function than patients who were not spiritual. And in another study earlier this year, Yale University School of Medicine doctors reported that poor people in urban areas who believed in a higher power were less likely than their nonspiritual peers to be depressed during hard times.

Heart helper. Doctors at Italy's University of Pavia found that adults who recited the rosary had improved lung and heart function. In a study of 999 cardiac patients from the Mid America Heart Institute of St. Luke's Hospital, those who unknowingly had others praying for them fared better than heart patients who didn't receive intercessory prayers.

Mood enhancer. In a 2004 study at the University of Washington, people who had strong faith were more optimistic before undergoing heart surgery; other studies have shown that prayer promotes healing post-surgery.