Love ... A Gift or Dilemma.

We, as humans, seem to spend an inordinate amount of time questioning the why's and wherefore's of love ... the reasons behind it ... is it real ... will it last. Businesses are built on the premise of bringing love together. The music industry, it seems is founded on the lyrical exploration (exploitation?) of love ... from the magical "falling in love" stage and all other variations of it. Love has become an industry.

On top of that, there are so many types of love. The English language does so little to define. This explanation (Link), found on Wikipedia, delves into the various types of love, as defined through exploration of other languages and other means.

In this article (Link), the author expounds the benefits of being single/alone. Only to conclude that perhaps she isn't as alone as she thought. It's cliche, I know, but truly, everyone needs someone.

In one of my e-mail devotions, the topic of love was discussed. (Link) Indeed, there is a cost of loving and making yourself vulnerable. But at the opposite end of the spectrum is coldness and isolation.

C.S. Lewis writes about love:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries ...lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemmable...The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell!"

I have wished sometimes that I could see myself through my beloved's eyes. Sometimes I ponder what is lovable about myself. Especially when it seems that more often than not I am in some hormonal quandary of sorts.

Yet, the question that always seems to provide the answer for me when I am down, and is to what I perpetually return: Isn't love a precious gift? And, wasn't the greatest gift of love given to me by my Heavenly Father?

Perhaps love isn't so very complex at all. The only action required by me is the acceptance of the gift.

Psalm 138
⁷ Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.
⁸ The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD , endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands.

God's Blessing of Friendship.

"Friendship is knowing the worst about each other and choosing to believe the best." -- Patsy Clairmont

For a couple of years now I have wanted to create "Thanksgiving" cards for my dearest and closest girlfriends and give them the cards at Thanksgiving. Yet, I can never seem to find the words to tell them how precious each of them are to me.

I have my real mom, Caryl, and two substitute mothers, Susan and Mickey. I also have two substitute sisters, Tracey and Jae. The Lord's way of bringing each of us together as friends leaves me speechless. And they have stayed there, never wavering ... even when they learned the worst about me, they stood strong in their encouragement to me.

It is interesting to me how different each of these women are, particularly in what they "do" everyday. Because of their diversity, I tried to pinpoint what the common thread is that runs through them. I once described it as "being down to earth." Then I saw this post (Link) on Debra's blog and knew immediately THAT is the similarity. These women are all "Down-Home Folks." Amazingly resilient and practical in their approach to life. They are straight forward in their beliefs. There is no "in between the lines" or head games. Intelligent, strong-willed, resolute, loving, caring and kind are characteristics of these women.

I am eternally grateful to them for their friendship and to the Lord for bringing us together.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 -- Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Laughter ... God's Gift to Me.

I found myself laughing yesterday. The kind of laughter that comes from the soul ... happy laughter, the type you don't think about first, it just happens. It wasn't a courtesy laugh, it was a great big belly laugh. It happened several times yesterday. And it startled me each time.

The first time it happened was around 9:20 AM. The worship team at church were gathered in the prayer room getting ready to commit our service to the Lord. As we all settled in, Pastor Brad took a Bible that the keyboardist was holding from her hands, asking what she was reading. He opened it and was amazed to find his Grandfather's name in it. It wasn't his Grandpa's "personal Bible", there were no notes or anything in it, but nonetheless he was startled to realize that it belonged to his family and his face reflected that. Everyone in the room laughed with him.

The second time it happened was in the afternoon when my smallest cat took the twine off the newspaper and started flipping it around and, then, after a ballet-like performance that should've been on the finest stage, hauled butt with it down the hallway.

The third time it happened was when I put a cooling pad (shaped to put around your neck, rather like those neck pillows you see) around my head to help my headache. I looked up at my wonderful Tony and said "kiss me". He started laughing at me and said "No way. You look like a toilet seat with that thing on your head, I'm not kissing a toilet seat!" (Of course, after we stopped laughing, he did give me a kiss ... "toilet seat" and all.)

Simple and innocent things, really. The best kind of joy. And I thank God for those opportunities to laugh from my heart. Just as the heavens, earth, sea, fields and trees rejoice and praise the Lord, so do I.

Psalm 96
¹¹Let the heavens rejoice, and let the earth be glad; let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof.
¹²Let the field be joyful, and all that is therein: then shall all the trees of the wood rejoice

Divorce ... God's View?

I know that my God is a forgiving God. Yet the "sin of divorce" weighs heavily on my mind. I know that there is nothing quite like the human mind when it comes to justifying its own sins. I seek you, Lord, not with the intention of justifying my sin but trying to understand how I am to move beyond the hurts in the past, requesting your guidance to show me your beliefs regarding divorce and remarriage.

For so long, I have believed that divorce is a sin. That marriage is a God-ordained institution. And, that what God has joined together let no man put asunder. Yet, surely, I thought, a God who is as compassionate as the scriptures set forth would not want a partner in a marriage to suffer with a man who goes against everything that God teaches, would he?

The longer I stayed in the marriage the more my light for God was snuffed. My health suffered. My energy lagged. My individuality disappeared. I felt my life was not worth living. My spouse was, for all intents and purposes, smothering me. The only time I came alive was at work and he only wanted me to work so he could afford his hobbies. I hated that I had to justify my existence to him.

Divorce, for me, was one of the most indescribably difficult decisions that I have ever made. In fact, I sat here for about a minute pondering what adjective I could put in that sentence to summarize the amount of tears I shed, sometimes I felt as if my very soul was being ripped apart inside. It was as if my entire world was shaken by an earth splitting earthquake. Parts of me fell down in the abyss to never be seen again. There is no single descriptive single word that could be put into that sentence. It wasn't possible.

Knowing that I have sought the Lord's forgiveness repeatedly for this sin, I was led today to this scripture:

Deuteronomy 24
¹ When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
² And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

Followed by finding this website (Link). As I scrolled down the page, I learned that there is a distinction, even in the Bible of separation and divorce. The author of this website analyzes the verses, pointing out that many of the scriptures used to discuss remarriage are really, in fact, about separation. Explaining that God is against remarriage if the couple is SEPARATED (referred to as "putting away"). But that God has NEVER denied a remarriage if the first couple is DIVORCED. God does not like divorce, but is it not true that God is practical? Could it be possible that God understood the necessity of divorce in certain cases and set forth rules concerning the procedure?

It has always been important to me to know the rules and follow them. As a small child, I remember looking forward to the first day of school so that I could learn what was to be expected of me. The only time I got into trouble was when I didn't know something was expected or a misunderstanding had occurred of the expectation.

Dear Lord, did you show me these scriptures today so that I know your rules? So that I could move forward in my life? That perhaps the Biblical scholars of today are fuzzy in their distinction between separation and divorce? Are you telling me that you've forgiven me and to quit dwelling on it?

Religion ... Tradition or Tribulation?

I had a conversation last December wherein someone said, "It doesn't matter what religion you are so long as you treat people right and you worship the one true God." The idea being that the rote of religion is merely an embodiment of different traditions and that God doesn't care how you worship Him, so long as you do worship Him.

I pondered that for awhile and then, as is my way, decided to do some research. I came across an Internet quiz which determines through questions what religion the quiz taker is and compares that result against the beliefs of other religions. My results (Link) indicated that I am a mainline to conservative Christian/Protestant and there is a 20% difference between my beliefs and Mormonism and a 31% difference to that of Roman Catholics.

Don't people normally align themselves with a church or religion that reflects their beliefs? And if a person's belief varies so greatly from one to another, is it possible that the primary foundation for religions are "treating others right" and "worshipping the one true God". Aren't there a couple of key points missing from that statement?

I was taught from the Bible that the first and foremost thing is to realize that each of us is a sinner. That Jesus came to earth to die for our sins. That the only way to acquire and have assurance of salvation/eternal life is to yield in prayer to the Lord and accept him into your "heart" as your personal saviour. That it is not possible to "work" or be good for your salvation.

Is it possible that the confusion of religion and worshipping of idols is Satan's work? Would it be incorrect or over the edge to say that if people worship idols they are, indirectly, worshipping Satan? If not, then why did God become repeatedly upset and angry with His chosen people when they worshipped idols?

If I could, at this belated date give a response to the statement that was made 9 months ago, I suppose it would be something like this ... I agree that we need to worship the one true God. I believe that we do have the ability to speak directly to God, I don't know whether he cares if we are driving along or on bended knee, so long as we are respectful. If our collective goal as human beings is to have eternal life, then I don't think that "treating people right" quite makes the cut. I believe that it has more to do with accepting Christ as your personal saviour.

I Missed It or Did I?

I have been traveling this past week, visiting my friend in Texas and my aunt in Iowa. I attended my aunt's church (Link) with her this past Sunday. The Deacon's message centered around Luke 16:1-13 (Link).

The Deacon intoned that many Bible scholars agreed that this particular passage was about stewardship, being good stewards or keepers of the blessings that God gives to each of us. He then said that he didn't agree with these Bible scholars because *&**#(*@#*&##@.

It was at that moment that my brain was suddenly entertained with a bunch of internal noise and thoughts. I noticed that the Dean appeared to be nodding off, but maybe not. I noticed the gentleman's shirt who was sitting in front of me. I noticed the lady's dress sitting across from me. I was distracted by the beauty of the stained glass windows. I thought about how we were going to breakfast later that day. Then, since I was in a new church, I pondered whether I should take communion there. I decided that I would. Then, since I don't drink alcohol, and they serve wine that I would have to bypass the cup but could partake of the wafers.

All of a sudden, I realized that the message was over. And that I had missed it. I was disappointed because I really had wanted to know why the Deacon disagreed with the Bible scholars of today and what he thought the parable was about if it wasn't about being good stewards.

I happily solved my problem by resolving to discuss the Deacon's message with my aunt and uncle. As it turns out, I will likely never find out because neither my aunt nor uncle were able to follow his message enough to discern his interpretation of the parable. They explained that the Deacon is in training and his message today was practice.

This situation reminded me of when in my teenage years, I attended church because it was expected of me. But, how my mind would wander during the sermon and I never really learned anything because I was too busy observing the one wavering hair on the head of the man in front of me or something.

But, really, it reminded me that before I do anything with the Lord, I need to prayerfully commit my thoughts to God so that I may truly stay focused on Him.

Prayer ... the least or the most?

Every pastor I know emphasizes the importance of prayer. Prayer is your communication with God, they say.

The closeness in every relationship is defined by communication. A date between a man and a woman would not happen without someone communicating their request. You cannot have a relationship without communication.

The same is true with God.

Prayer should be the first thing I do in every situation. When I arise in the morning, before I walk out the door, when I run into a problem at work, if I can't get the tone of a letter right, before I leave work, when I get home ... every moment, I should be involving my Lord.

How many times, I think to myself, have I done everything I could possibly think to do. Except pray.

Tonight, I was reading Beverly Lewis' book, October Song. The characters in the book, Katie and Dan, have been shunned from communicating with their families by the Old Order Amish community because they believe in the grace of what Jesus' death brought to them. The Old Order Amish believe there is no assurance of salvation until judgment day (i.e., must earn salvation) and any talk of such thing is considered flagrant pride ... another sin. Katie and Dan pray every day for the salvation of their parents. The resulting realization from Katie went as follows:

"The least they could do was in effect the most they could do, believing in the power of prayer."

To that I say, "Amen."

Seeking Joy.

I have struggled so much with so many things the last two years. As I've reflected upon these enormous changes, I've realized that the motivation for change stemmed from fear. The three major things that I faced down were rooted in the fear of something perpetuating or worsening ... that if I didn't change something, it would forever be that way. And, the status quo did not make me happy at all.

Fear can be a HUGE driving force. And, yet, according to the Bible, the only fear we should have is for God. Someone once said that a person who worries would be great at meditating upon the Lord's Word, worriers just need to change their focus. I'm trying, I really am.

I have not been very joyful the past two years. I haven't joyfully anticipated much of anything. In fact, there has been a lot of dread. Each day seemed to bring more physical or emotional pain. Yet these days, there seems to be less pain and more joy. I have more good days than bad. Yet, there is a lingering fear of anticipating a recurrence. This morning in my prayers I timidly asked God to let me be healthy for the next couple of weeks. It startled me that I was afraid to ask for that. It was at that moment that I realized I've really been living day-to-day. Hoping for a healthy day. To ask for two weeks seemed like too huge of a request.

The Lord is faithful to those who seek Him. And that's what I'm doing. I'm seeking and searching for Him.

Psalm 22:25-26
²⁵I will praise you among all the people;
I will fulfill my vows in the presence of those who worship you.
²⁶The poor will eat and be satisfied.
All who seek the LORD will praise him.
Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy.

Worship Team

My joining of the worship team at church was the treat the Lord gave me for working so diligently through old wounds and healing them. I would have been too scared to do it sooner. It would have been too overwhelming. The Lord knew this and made sure that everything was done in its perfect time.

One Sunday, one of the female singers ended her committment to the worship team due to obligations to her children. That same Sunday, three people came up to me and suggested that I join the worship team. I had been praying for three months beforehand for the Lord to provide me with an opportunity for me to serve my church. Isn't there something about "threes" in the Bible?

As I read I Chronicles 25 last night, I realized how important it is to worship our Lord through music. In King David's time, it was so important that the musicians were appointed from specific families ... almost like a family legacy or tradition.

I Chronicles 25:
¹David and the army commanders then appointed men from the families of Asaph, Heman, and Jeduthun to proclaim God's messages to the accompaniment of harps, lyres, and cymbals.
(snip)
⁶All these men were under the direction of their fathers as they made music at the house of the LORD. Their responsibilities included the playing of cymbals, lyres, and harps at the house of God. Asaph, Jeduthun, and Heman reported directly to the king. ⁷They and their families were all trained in making music before the LORD, and each of them--288 in all--was an accomplished musician. ⁸The musicians were appointed to their particular term of service by means of sacred lots, without regard to whether they were young or old, teacher or student.

I feel so humbled and honored to have been chosen (so it seems to me) to have the responsibility of worshipping the Lord with the worship team at church. It doesn't even feel like it's a responsibility, really. It just feels right.

Tidbits.

Misfits like us. Proof that God can use anyone.

Abraham was old, Jacob was insecure, Leah was unattractive, Joseph was abused, Moses stuttered, Gideon was poor, Samson was codependent, Rahab was immoral, David had an affair and all kinds of family problems, Elijah was suicidal, Jeremiah was depressed, Jonah was reluctant, Naomi was a widow, John the Baptist was eccentric to say the least, Peter was impulsive and hot-tempered, Martha worried a lot, the Samaritan woman had several failed marriages, Zacchaeus was unpopular, Thomas had doubts, Paul had poor health, and Timothy was timid.

The Bible in 50 Words

God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled, bush talked, Moses balked, Pharaoh plagued, people walked, sea divided, tablets guided, promise landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, prophets warned, Jesus born, God walked, love talked, anger crucified, hope died, Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained.

I am a disciple.

“I am a disciple of Christ. I will not let up, look back or slow down. My past is redeemed, my future is secure.

I am done with low living, small planning,smooth knees, mundane talking, chincy giving and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotion or popularity.
I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised or rewarded.

My face is set; my goal is sure. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few.

My God is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, delayed or deluded.

I will not flinch in the face of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I am a disciple of Christ. I must go until He comes, speak of all I know of Him, and work until He stops me.

And when He comes for His own, by the grace of God, He will have no problem recognizing me, because my colors are clear.”

Insult Equals Battle.

I Chronicles 19:1-4
¹Some time after this, King Nahash of the Ammonites died, and his son Hanun[1] became king. ²David said, "I am going to show complete loyalty to Hanun because his father, Nahash, was always completely loyal to me." So David sent ambassadors to express sympathy to Hanun about his father's death.But when David's ambassadors arrived in the land of Ammon, ³Hanun's advisers said to him, "Do you really think these men are coming here to honor your father? No! David has sent them to spy out the land so that they can come in and conquer it!" ⁴So Hanun seized David's ambassadors and shaved their beards, cut off their robes at the buttocks, and sent them back to David in shame. (Read the entire chapter, here.)

This complete misunderstanding of David's intentions on the part of King Hanun led to a battle wherein 47,000 lives were lost. 7,000 Charioteers and 40,000 foot soldiers, including the commander of the enemies armies.

I shook my head in disbeief as I read this last night, almost amused. But then I wondered, how many battles do we fight because of misunderstanding and shame? How many times do we jump to conclusions, or someone insults us and we snap back. Shouldn't we always try to get the entire story before making a decision?

God's Chosen.

In my quest to be drawn back into the folds of God's will, I made a committment to myself that I would read the Bible through in its entirety. I started in I Kings. I am presently in I Chronicles.

It's almost as if I'm slowly awakening as I read his Word. I seem to notice and remember more things. I find myself asking questions about things.

Throughout the scriptures, there are so many references to the "Chosen Nation" or his "Chosen Ones". One of the questions that I'm searching to find an answer to is: How did God choose Israel as his Chosen People? What criteria did he use to choose them?

He wanted a "chosen people" to bring forth Jesus Christ into the world to be our Savior from sin and death. I know that God’s desire for Israel was that they would go and teach others about Him. Israel was to be a nation of priests, prophets, and missionaries to the world.

But why Israel? Why not the Levites? Or some other nation of people? Were the Israelites more holy than another nation? Or were they more needing of God's mercy and grace?

But, if I take the question one step further ... why does he choose ANY of us to serve Him?

So Significant.

I've been thinking a lot about the significance of Jesus' life (while tied to it, certainly, the significance of his life, in my mind, differs from the reason for his life).

His life was so short, only 33 years by all accounts. That is how old I am. I look at my life and ponder the fact that He made every moment count. I have not accomplished near what he did. I am amazed at his stamina. He walked everywhere he went. He talked to crowds of people. Talking to people is tiring ... yet he did it for hours on end.

His life was so important and universe changing that it was predicted hundreds of years earlier by prophets. The prediction of the details of his birth, life and certain death were recorded. To ensure that the people would know who he was when he arrived ... yet they didn't. Some did, but most wouldn't believe it. They were too caught up in being prideful, vengeful, living their lives for themselves. Interesting. Isn't that the way we all are today?

Yet God knew that would be the way of it.

If Jesus were to come today (instead of then), the outcome would likely be the same, I suppose. Which saddens me greatly that I wouldn't know my Messiah. Maybe I would though. But would I be open to Him?

John Vance Cheney

I discovered John Vance Cheney this morning. A poem he had written was part of my morning devotions.

Who drives the horses of the sun
Shall lord it but a day;
Better the lowly deed were done,
And kept the humble way.

The rust will find the sword of fame,
The dust will hide the crown;
Ay, none shall nail so high his name
Time will not tear it down.

The happiest heart that ever beat
Was in some quiet breast
That found the common daylight sweet,
And left to Heaven the rest.

Wow. The birds outside my door trilled happily at finding fresh seeds in their feeder. My cats perched themselves as near to the door as they could without frightening the birds away. I read my devotions and wondered at the sweet simplicity of the moment.

I found another poem by Cheney on the Internet:

Not in the time of pleasure
Hope doth set her bow;
But in the sky of sorrow,
Over the vale of woe.

Through gloom and shadow look we
On beyond the years!
The soul would have no rainbow
Had the eyes no tears.

Indeed.

Every Detail.

I had a boss once who talked very softly, never gave inflection to any particular part of what he was saying. I had to force myself to listen carefully to him. If I didn't, inevitably I would miss an important part of his instructions. Also, he was not very forgiving if I had to return to him and ask him to repeat something he had previously told me.

Fortunately, my heavenly Father IS loving and forgiving. He doesn't mind if I ask him to repeat something he's told me before. In fact, a lot of times it's right there in his Word. He put it in writing so I could return to his instructions as often as I need to. He wants me to get it right. He wants me to keep trying.

But I do find that some of the most important examples of his love and caring are stashed away amidst (in my opinion) the more boring parts of the Bible. For example, in the Old Testament, contained in I and II Kings are stories of how he cared for the poor ... even then. The woman who had nothing but oil in her pantry and the prophet told her (from God) to sell it. The oil replenished itself until she had enough money to live on.

But I also find that I need to pay attention to people in my life. Often times, God answers my questions to Him through the voices of those around me.

If I just listen ... he answers. Every single time.